Jan Baross is the author of the novel Jose Builds a Woman, short stories, screenplays, and poetry. She has taught filmmaking and made a number of award winning documentaries. The impetus for this poem comes from her friendship with Annie, the daughter of a friend. Annie was adopted from a Rumanian orphanage 23 years ago and has autism and disabilities.“The poem is Annie’s voice and comes from one of the many conversation we have had. What fascinates me about Annie is how differently her mind works. Her declarative statements are refreshing in their open honesty. There is no subtext. You never have to worry or wonder what she is really thinking or feeling or what she wants. She tells you everything.”
Annie and Slots
Listen to me. This may not be important to you.
But it is to me.
I want you to understand so you will accept.
That I love slot machines. I cuddle them.
They are beautiful. They comfort me.
Do you understand?
I learned to love from my mother.
She loves me and no one can stop her.
My mother’s hair is brown and short.
The hospital in Rumania is gray.
She loves me and does not give me back.
She loves me and I have problems.
I am not drunk or stupid.
I am angry. I am autistic. I cannot chew.
I learned to love from my mother.
I love slot machines.
I bought a slot machine on E-bay.
Her name is Slots. My special friend.
Slot machines have the same pictures
but in different order.
They are different but always the same.
Like my mother.
